Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

In Loving Memory of Marley



This past Sunday was my cuddly hero of a big floppy puppy's last day in this world. After 12 wonderful years on Earth, where will he go? I was taught, as I believe many of us 80's kids were taught, that all dogs go to heaven. Marley's version of heaven most likely involves his favorite activities: eating, exploring, snuggling, and sleeping. I must say, my version of heaven isn't so dissimilar from Marley's. Except that in Marley's heaven, people play maracas filled with roasted almonds, everything tastes like peanut butter and there are no pointed surfaces. Now, I don't lose it with excitement at the sound of almond hitting almond, but a few falcon butlers shaking some almond-filled maracas would certainly tickle my heavenly fancy. Plus, everyone who knows me knows of my sharp-objects-pointed-toward-my-eyeballs fear. And who doesn't like peanut butter? (Except for those with peanut allergies.) (Note the foreshadowing.) (And the parentheses.)


Fall has proven to be devastating so far, and the trees have hardly begun to shake their knees. Now, the falling leaves will only bring new meaning to losing Marley.


For a college film class, I watched a time-lapsed disintegration of a dog into the surrounding woods. The filmmaker described this act as an expression of love. At the time, I was just happy that I wasn't in the other film class that watched an extensive human autopsy, so I could kind of understand the filmmaker's desire to document his dog's return to the earth. Our act of love will be to scatter Marley's ashes with those of his loyal brother, when his time comes, on their favorite beach. (Not the one we walked them on, but the one they used to run away to, of course.)


I once drove down to a snooty country club to retrieve Marley, who'd deviously escaped with his partner in crime, Bosco. Two tennis pros hit balls across the net as Marley jumped up and intercepted. A blue-haired lady squawked, "This is my private lesson!" but they were too enamored with their silly intruder to care. Quite the charmer.


On Sunday night, I returned to the city, my eyelids exhausted by tears. Or so I thought. I got stung by one of my bees that sad day, smack dab in the middle of my forehead...which would be no biggie if I did not wake up on Monday looking like Mike Tyson's girlfriend (a term coined by Frank).

When a bee stings you, she pulls back but her stinger is barbed (!) (also, will she ever evolve?) so that the pointy poison sack detaches from her body while the stinger pumps away. Until, that is, you scrape it out with your fingernail. I did this immediately and still ended up with these horrific results:


The last time I was stung by a bee, I spent 24 hours feeling wretched in bed. I believe I have been in denial for quite some time now. I am allergic to bees.

The author of Fuzzybuzzness, allergic to bees! Such a tragedy.

2010 will be the year of the bee suit. Until then, I'll leave my little buzzers alone. Drone bodies litter the ground, and I have no desire to film their decay. Marley has transformed from a tangible being to an intangible one. 2009 winds down slowly.

Some people say photographs alter the memory to record only those specific instances. I disagree. Like the filmmaker, my photographs are an act of love, a celebration of Marley's joyful existence. They confirm my memories, rather than shape them.

When Marley got sick, I began to heartbrokenly mourn his impending loss immediately. My sister Eliza, wise beyond her 25 years, reminded me of what I wrote a few months ago:

Love the furry black poodle with the crooked teeth who wanted nothing more than to give you his paw.






Sunday, August 23, 2009

Ode to New York City Summers



Even though your humid skies sag like wet diapers, I love you, New York City summertime. Thick, lukewarm air spits through the fan in my uptown apartment, mocking the archaic mechanism. Existence alone is cause for perspiration. Lady Liberty exemplifies the obstinate disregard for sweat that we New Yorkers must adopt.



I believe your subways are more conducive to men in heavy wool business suits than urban farmers in cutoffs and tank tops; they blast sterile bursts of cold air through loud AC systems and force me into the fetal position. (Although I must admit, your icy embrace has prevented me from waking up in the Bronx or Queens on several occasions.)


Girls have never been prettier than they are when they are walking down your streets in August drinking 40s in coffee cups.


Your expansiveness is overwhelming. Your opportunities are so numerous that they inspire guilt in those who fail to take full advantage of them.


Your summers illuminate little-known details that would be hastily ignored in meaner weather.


There's nothing like drinking a cold, locally-brewed beer on your Red Hook roof deck, New York. It can be a mystical experience.


View of you from Governor's Island:


View of you from Queens:


View of you from inside:


You're beautiful, New York City, no buts about it!


The reason I love you the most, though, is because you are a grown-up playground that brings friends together.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Slam! Let the Bees Be Bees!


Natural beekeeping, so called due to it's followers' beekeeping philosophy of human noninterference, additionally refers to the methods natural beekeepers employ to lessen their influence upon the hive. One such method involves excluding the beeswax (or plastic, for that matter) foundation that human machines (machines made by humans, not human-machines) shape into a thin sheet of hexagonal cells, in an attempt to replicate honeybee craftsmanship.

The photo below shows the foundation-less frames hanging in the super. The beeswax foundation is laced with thin metal wires for stability.
The idea behind the beeswax foundation is that of a "head start." The bees will create beeswax in their abdomens and "draw out" the wax, building on top of it to increase its width to be able to hold baby bees and honey on each side. The wax gives them something to work with; it speeds up the honey-making process.

I decided long ago to forgo honey harvest this summer. First of all, June was at least 90% rain. I mean, we felt it too. It sucked big time. But imagine if raindrops were deadly, as they are for bees... and imagine that if we didn't hoard food now, we'd starve in the cold... (cold would also be deadly...) Well, such is the case for bees.

Secondly, my kid sis Dana's boss, the Red Bee beekeeper (whose local honey is delectable) advised her that one shouldn't harvest during a colony's first summer if one wants the bees to survive the winter. And I certainly want that.

So, natural beekeeping seemed an obvious choice. Let the bees do their bee thang. They don't need no stinking human-formed hexagons! They're probably laughing at the shoddy quality anyway.

Here's a foundation-less solution:

Starter Strips must resemble a paint stirrer in composition and size. Stick em in the top of your frame. Use wood glue to make em sturdy. The bees will draw down the comb from the starter strip. Melt beeswax and paint it on the frames. If you don't have beeswax, paint it with bee tea or the like. Voila!
Okay, so we let the bees be bees. Here's my question: what does it mean to let the humans be human?

It would be really easy to create a religious analogy about the relationship between humans, the hive, and the beekeeper, but that isn't at all my intention; although feel free to create one for yourself. Instead, I'd initially like to conjure the image of the beeswax foundation. Then I'd like to say this, dramatically: "The Beeswax Foundation: That Upon Which All Is Built." I would then like to ask the reader, teacher-style, to respond to the following question in his/her journal: "What is the human foundation?" And of course, such generality cannot go by without its subjective counterpart: "What is your human foundation?" Proceed. You have two minutes. And there is no such thing as "finishing" before the two minutes are up.

Last night, my friend Liz and I were at the bar at the Frying Pan, a fantastic location (on a boat on the Hudson) with a horrible crowd. Surrounded by pastels and black shoes, she asked, "Does anyone really enjoy the nine-to-five?" An ironic question of course, because it was obvious that all the shirts were just yucking it up about pencil skirts, golf scores, and the Dow Jones Industrial. I mean, these nine-to-fivers looked like they were loving life, American Psycho-style. Well, here's my answer: they enjoy it because they think they should be enjoying it. The personal days. The cubicles. The midtown bars. Do I sound like a hater? Because I'm really not hating, I'm just saying that maybe paperweights and board meetings are these guys' beeswax foundations.

I mean, take away the beeswax foundation from the bees, and they just build their own honeycomb. How many of us have built our own house? Designed it and built it with our own bare hands? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Wittgenstein built his sister a house from scratch. He said "I am not interested in erecting a building, but in presenting to myself the foundations of all possible buildings." Working on a farm, not the least a farm in Red Hook, I am afforded the opportunity to be surrounded by life cycles. A seed germinates, sprouts cotyledons, the first two sprigs of life, grow leaves, flowers, bears fruit, seeds again... and somewhere in that process, I eat it. It's beautiful!

I am not interested in eating this cool, crunchy cuke, but in presenting to myself the growth of all possible vegetables!

On a serious note, the bees are able to sustain themselves just fine without us humans trying to replicate their intricate work with our fancy machines. Us humans, on the other hand, have made so many technological and industrial advances that sadly, we alienate ourselves from the very thing that made possible higher thought: sustenance. We take it for granted to such a degree that it is unclear whether or not we'd be able to sustain ourselves if we weren't sustained in the first place. We no longer grow the food we eat or build the houses we live in. Which is fine on the one hand, but we've taken it to extremes, as usual. And by "us," I mean us stupid 'Mericans.

I could go on about the constructed beeswax foundations that lay beneath our every hope and dream, but my hand has begun to smoke from writing so fast, and I realize that the average reader's attention span is more accustomed to short, flashy blurbs than my self-indulgent reveries. So I'll end it there, and instruct you to continue journaling for five minutes. The topic? "Is love an essential human need?"

I will then remind you that children denied physical affection become atrophied, and briefly argue on this basis that yes, it is, although not necessarily romantic love. Although, doesn't this inscription on a Ft. Tryon park bench make you think it should be?


Thursday, July 30, 2009

How To Make the World a Better Place


Think of it: never stop loving anything-- anyone, anywhere-- that you've ever loved, even for one moment. Just continue loving--love my little ponies--love my dog Sassy who died when I was 17-- love David Maetos, my crush from grades 1-5-- love The Phantom Tollbooth and A Muppets' Christmas Carol-- love and love and love.

Couldn't it spill over into this world?


Love collecting seashells and keeping them forever
Love making and taking weird photos with my sisters

Love the morning light
Love pretty colors
Love the gentle asymmetry of wind on sand
Love the ocean's vastness;
Love the moon, my moon
Love Dana's white birthmark on her scalp
Love the gentle, inward tiptoe of North Carolinian crabs
Love life that grows despite unforgiving circumstances






I don't know, maybe we don't have the capacity for such love. The worst part of memory is its inability to stand up to the equalizing power of time. Maybe we're protecting ourselves from ourselves. But some pain feels important, doesn't it?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Falling in Love Again

with Red Hook, Brooklyn.
Will we, really, though?
Can't a woman love two men?
Me: Coming Soon to You in My Wildest Dreams, Red Hook (tranquil garden included)
These guys are on my team:
Hello sketchy van violating sanitation laws. Are you filled with puppies and candy? If you were filled with puppies in costume, I'd definitely jump in:
Except that she's kind of intimidating:
Yeah dude, where is that guy?
It's been 7 whole years?? I'm glad someone's counting.
An urban sanctuary that seems to sing, "Come to me, Cara!"
Oh Elbowtoe, if only you could spell "beautiful."
Bloody Mary! Bloody Mary! Bloody Mary!
Sure sign of summertime:
Summertime morning light in leafy puddle: